Grief When You’ve Lost a Pet

Grief comes for all of us: it comes along with the cycle of life that we all must face at one time or another. Though we may experience it differently, if grief has touched your heart in some way, on some level, you get it. If you tell someone that you have lost a parent, relative, or a friend, you will likely be met with compassion, because most people can relate.

But what if the grief you have is from losing a pet? Are you met with the same compassion?

It might depend on who you are sharing with: is it someone else who has lost a pet who understands “this was your family”, or is it someone who gives you a perplexed look or says something dismissive? Here’s the thing: the reaction of the other person can have an effect on your heart.

The truth is, the connection we can have with our pets can run deep. Sometimes they are our greatest source of comfort because of their ability to love us unconditionally... And for some people, this might be the only time in their lives that they have felt this love, so the connection feels even more desperate.

For others who haven't had children, the need to care and nurture someone can get funneled into caring for a pet, so the loss can feel even more intense.

You might have been met with judgement from others, or even had "logical" parts of yourself that respond to grief with something like "well, dogs only live X amount of years, you probably knew it was coming." Just because a death might be predictable by a best-guess timetable doesn't make the grief easier. In fact, for some pet owners knowing that they only have a certain amount of years with a pet can make spark the need to "cram every bit of love into a smaller amount of time", and then feel an impending sense of doom as their pet ages.

Unfortunately, owners can be less likely to seek grief therapy due to the loss of a pet because of the stigma of losing "just a pet". Instead, they can struggle with shame for their grief, wondering why they haven't gotten over it yet, and isolation from others who don't understand how deep they are experiencing this loss. If left untreated, the shame and isolation can lead to further issues of anxiety or depression, so it is important to seek support from a grief therapist if these issues seem to be present.

Grief from the loss of a pet can't be erased by a grief therapist, but experiencing a compassionate, sturdy hand to walk alongside you through it's stages can not only help ease the intensity, but this experience can also be added to the list of "unconditional love/support" experiences that can shape your view of yourself and the world.

Many times a grief therapist can also help you identify other ways that grief has shown up on your life, and some of these ways might surprise you. Therapists are able to link your grief with other times your emotional needs were not met, and other losses that have gone unrecognized; these might have a compounding effect on the grief you are experiencing now.

If grieving the loss of a beloved pet has been weighing on your heart, reach out to a grief therapist today.