Grief Therapy
There isn’t a cure, but there is a way through.
Grief shows up in many forms, and comes from many different sources “death”. All of them are valid.
Grief hits all of us at one time or another, there is no escaping it. You might be facing the death of a loved one (human or pet), the “death” of a relationship, the “death” of a career, or the “death” of how you once thought your life was going to go. No matter the source, the turmoil it can cause in your life is real, and unfortunately is not predictable. It also doesn’t follow a neat and tidy pattern of moving from one stage of grief to the next—nope, instead it comes as a jumbled mess that doesn’t always make sense and often bounces back and forth!
But what happens when you are so good at caring for others, that your own grief knocks you off kilter? It might show up as:
You are sad all the time, and unable to care for yourself or others the way you normally do.
You get hit with intense emotion unexpectedly, sometimes over the most mundane things.
You feel like you are walking around in a fog all the time; it is so hard to focus or care about much of anything these days.
Your mind can’t help replaying things you regret or things you wish you had a chance to do differently.
You realize you have a lot of emotions about the person you lost, but it was never safe to explore these before.
You think you are managing your sadness well, but seem to be more irritable with people around you.
You are now more scared than ever of losing other important people too.
You find yourself thinking about the big life questions like “What is the point of all of this?”, “Why are we even here?”, “Who am I supposed to be now?” or “What actually happens after we die?”
There is space for all of these, and the right therapy can help you move through them.
Grief doesn’t come with a timeline of when we will feel better, but you know that you feel stuck.
Whether you are a professional “helper & healer” or the family member/friend that automatically shows up for everyone, when grief hits your life, it can still knock you down. You might be so good at helping others through all of their sh** that it catches you off guard when suddenly you don’t seem to know how to handle your own grief!
It is not enough to just “know the stages of grief”. As a “helper & healer”, what you might not have been taught is how to notice and honor your own emotions, so when grief hits it can leave you feeling completely disoriented and out of control.
The fog that seems to cover your brain these days can be messing with being efficient at work: details can get missed, energy levels can be low, and performance can suffer.
Your family and friends might be noticing that you seem different. They might start tip-toeing around you to not upset you, or seem so uncomfortable when they don’t know how to help you when grief shows up again. Even if you are lucky enough to have supportive friends and family, they might have no idea how to help with more complicated grief, or be able to help you move through stages that seem stuck. This can actually lead you to more isolation and shame—and these will only make grief worse.
You don’t know how to stop these on your own, but this is where I come in.
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It is finally time for YOU. You are worth the investment.
My approach to therapy to get you un-stuck from grief.
Even though you might already have knowledge and skills about handling grief, when grief gets sticky, it often means you have some beliefs about yourself that are getting in the way of moving through it.
Because of this, the first thing we will do is get to know each other a bit. As a grief therapist, I’ll help you explore not only what you are experiencing now, but we’ll also chat about how you experienced life growing up. We are doing this intentionally, not because we want to just complain about the past, but rather because we want to discover where these sh**ty beliefs about yourself came from, so that we can start to re-write them!
During our sessions together, you are going to be able to experience things that you missed out on when you were growing up: a non-judgmental, curious person who welcomes all of your emotions and Parts (think of the movie Inside Out)! This is not fluff and it is not “just talking”—this is where the “rewiring” of your brain happens, as it starts learning that feeling emotions can actually be safe and people can still want to connect with you! You will learn how to do the same for yourself, the more often you experience it in session.
In addition to using Attachment Theory and being Internal Family Systems (IFS) informed, part of what sets me apart from other therapists is that I often incorporate Law of Attraction (aka manifesting) and Spiritual Reparenting (not religious) tools to help you understand and heal the many layers of grief, and maybe even start to answer some of those big life questions that seems to come along with “death”. You can learn more about these unique therapy options by clicking here.
You might never be the same after a loss, but you CAN learn how to ride the waves of grief as small waves, instead of being overtaken by a tidal wave.
Therapy with me is…
A compassionate, non-judgmental space to get to know yourself in a new way
Co-creative: we’ll each come with ideas and see where it takes us
Mixed with humor, swearing, and connection
Different than other therapists, because of the energy & spiritual components to speed the healing
Therapy with me is not…
A place where you get told all of the things that are wrong with you
A rigid protocol
Me sitting there nodding with a notepad in hand (like they depict on tv)
Only learning coping strategies that you could learn on social media
Maybe you are thinking about starting therapy to help with your grief…but you have some questions
How do I know if my issues are “bad enough” to justify therapy?
This is a textbook example of someone who learned that their feelings, needs and desires were not important! You might have learned you only get paid attention to when things were really bad. Even if you are not “in desperate crisis”, you deserve to feel more ease and confidence than what you have been feeling.
Won’t my grief just get better over time?
There is no cure for grief, and there is no defined timeline for when it will be “done”. But you know yourself well enough to know that something feels “stuck”, and it means there is some other stuff going on behind the scenes. There are lifelong patterns that have been going on, even if some of the time they were more subtle. But when you tackle the true root of the issues (what you were taught to believe about yourself), you change how you move through grief.
Can’t I just figure this out on my own by reading books, listening to podcasts, and talking with my friends?
All of these can definitely help, but…if they were enough to fix the problem, they would have already. Healing and rewiring your brain to believe different things about yourself comes from healing experiences, not just from learning new information or chatting with friends.
It will never be the same, but therapy can guide you to discover a new happiness that you never imagined was possible.
Is this really going to be worth the investment of time & money?
I encourage you to take an honest evaluation of the cost of NOT treating how grief is affecting you: how is it impacting your physical health? Your marriage? You children’s wellbeing? Your success at work? Guess what: all of those can have WAY BIGGER impacts on your finances and time if things get worse.