Relationship Goals for the New Year
The New Year is upon us and you might be using this time to set resolutions, goals, or intentions for the coming year. Often times, when we are setting goals, we think in terms of career, finances and/or health…but what about our relationships?
The holidays we all just made it through can often highlight relationship struggles, as holidays seem to come with extra expectations and stress. How did your relationships (with your partner, your family, and/or your friends) support you or add to your stress?
Did your partner help you buy and wrap all the gifts…or leave it up to you?
Did your partner attune well with getting you what you wanted as a gift…or miss the mark, and leave you feeling unseen and unimportant?
Did family members places their expectations on you for when and how you needed to show up for gatherings?
Were you acutely reminded of all of the dysfunctional family patterns in your extended family, and not sure how to navigate them?
Were your friends able to step in and meet the needs that your partner or family couldn’t?
Has your relationship reached a “fine but ‘meh’ ” point, but you’re not sure why?
All of these are potential relationships issues can be hiding underground much of the time, but seem to get a spotlight shined on them during the holidays. No wonder so many people start looking for a therapist to help them sort out relationship issues in January!
A therapist that specializes in relationship issues doesn’t always see both people. In fact, many times the first step in addressing relationship issues is to first understand yourself:
What patterns of interacting did you learn in your family? How did family members handle anger, sadness, or disappointment?
What themes seem to repeat themselves in your romantic relationships or friendships? Are you always the peacemaker? Do you react quickly and intensely when you feel ignored? Do you often feel overlooked? Does everyone come to you with problems, but no one shows up for you?
Do your deep core values align with those closest to you? If not, what keeps you connected to them?
Are you able to speak up for yourself when needed? If not, when/where did you learn that wasn’t ok?
Often there are deeper emotional wounds that have been guiding your choices, but you might have adopted the belief of “well, this just how things have always been—this is the best I can get.” A relationship therapist can help you explore some of these issues to help you get to the root of where these struggles came from and help you to learn to shift your beliefs—and then your actions—to help you to feel more confident, connected, and safe in relationships with others. If this you’d like to experience more of this in the New Year, reach out to a relationship therapist today to get started.
